Introduction
They called it the Toronto blessing. I can tell you that what I lived through because of it was far from a blessing. In fact, were it not for the sovereign move of God, I would have lost far more than my marriage….perhaps my life. It was not until a full twenty some years later that I have begun to understand the implication of this false move of the spirit, and just how much it has contaminated the modern church by watering down the Precious Gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember thinking at the time that there were things that were strange and did not make sense, but because I did not want to “quench the spirit” (something we were warned against), question God or blaspheme the Holy Spirit by denying Him and giving credit to the devil, I ignored my spiritual gut instincts. That was my first mistake, and one that I am told was common among those giving testimony to the horrors of this false movement.
How could I possibly have made such a grievous error? Doesn’t Jesus tells us to “test all spirits” to be sure they line up with Scripture? How could I have missed that? I suppose it was because I was such a newborn Christian, and though I had decided to read my Bible daily, I had yet to get to that part. Because of my Bible illiteracy, I fell victim to a scheme which had sought to destroy me, but thanks to a Holy Sovereign God, failed to do so. I owe Jesus my life in so many more ways than I can possibly write in a single sitting, book or series of books! My prayer is that my testimony will be used of God to warn others, comfort those who have been likewise deceived and rescued or are still deceived and in need of rescue. But above all I wish to bring the highest praises and glory to God, whose desire is that none should perish. May this work stay true to the Word, be presented to God as a sacrifice of praise, and thereby bless all who read it.
THE SNEAK ATTACK
It all began when my church hosted a conference on the move of the Holy Spirit. Being a relatively new Christian and eager to learn I signed up to go. Friday night was awesome worship and really did seem to be Holy Spirit filled as is supposed to be the case when people gather to worship God. Saturday morning, however, some folks from a neighboring church who had already experienced Toronto, came in and that is when things took a turn toward the bazaar. People started getting “slain” left and right, shaking, quaking and all manner of other unusual manifestations began to come forth. The Pastors of our church assured us that this was how the Holy Spirit moves so of course I found myself reassured. In retrospect, I do not want to be too quick to say that the Holy Spirit was not present because God is omnipotent after all and Jesus promises to be in the midst of two or more who are gathered in His name. This is where the waters can get truly muddied, however. While it is true that there can only be a counterfeit if a genuine exists, it is up to each of us to pray for the wisdom to know the difference. It would seem to me that when the Holy Spirit does move, there are probably droves of demons trailing after Him seeking to deceive His people just as those who followed the Apostle Paul did.
Just prior to the conference, I had gathered a group of women who sang together, praising God with nothing more than our voices. Some could sing, others could not, but that was not the point. Praising God with song is far more than concert quality Christian entertainment, in fact I dare say it is more precious to His ears as well! I remember as I extended invitations to people to join, being told on more than one occasion “I would love to but I cannot sing” to which I always responded “Who cares? God certainly doesn’t. He made the canaries and the crows!”
So our little precious praise group grew and I have to tell you, I am not sure if it was the angels singing with us that I heard or if God was allowing me to hear us as we sounded to His ears, but I heard unbelievably beautiful melody issuing from a group of people who could not sing! That was when I began to understand just what praise and worship is supposed to look like. Perhaps that single thing was what allowed me to hear the Lord later on when He rescued me.
Prior to the conference, our little singing group, which I called “Joyful Noise” had been meeting on Friday nights for a few weeks, thus when the pastor wanted to have a Friday night service dedicated to the move of the spirit (again I am not sure exactly how much was holy) my little group of singers agreed to lead the worship. Friday nights involved worship, but the slaying, shaking and quaking was also part of it. Not long afterwards, I was hit suddenly and inexplicably with a depression. Now in hindsight, this was possibly precipitated by undiagnosed Multiple Sclerosis exacerbated by the sudden loss of my father. In fact for years I had believed that to be the case. Twenty plus years later, however, I realize that was not the whole story. Disease and grief over the loss of my dad certainly left me vulnerable, but because I did not turn to God for help or know even one thing about girding myself with His armor, the enemy knew just where to throw his fiery darts. I suspect this is the case for many if not all of us who have ever been deceived and subsequently manipulated by such tactics.
As weeks dragged on and upon seeing how my depression was deepening, my pastor sent me to a Christian therapist. Ubeknownst to me, she had been to the Toronto Vineyard and had come back all charged up with this new “ability” to heal people, psychologically and emotionally. That should have sent up a red flag as obvious as a sprung ice fishing trap… but it did not. What I failed to realize at that time was that if a person has the notion that God is consistently using them for ANYTHING rather than sovereignly by His own choosing…I can say with near certainty that the spirit that is using them is NOT holy. I believe this to be true because of the nature of human beings. Once a person gets the idea that God is using them all the time for the same thing, it is just a question of time before pride steps in and God soon is left out of the equation. When is it ever OK to give the honor due God to a person? NEVER. Even Jesus never did that! Thus I had made my second mistake by putting my faith in this Christian therapist rather than in God.
Now that I have set the stage with a basic explanation as to how this happened, I would like to share the part of my story that I wrote fairly recently. As I touched on earlier, I had believed for a good twenty years that the depression which led to my seeking therapy from a person who had received an impartation while in Toronto, had been caused by undiagnosed MS and the loss of my father. I also believed that the therapy had “gone bad” because of her tactics which were at best unethical. What I did not realize until just a few weeks ago was that the spiritual component to the whole nasty thing had actually come out of Toronto and had left persistent remnants, like broken off pieces of tentacles, which have been affecting me for all these years. Like a festering wound caused by a partially removed splinter, I am certain that my mind and spirit had remained somewhat tainted all these years, at least to some extent. Why would God allow this you might ask? I do not know. All I can say is that it is God does. BUT I do know that what the devil intends for bad God always turns around for His glory and that He will put my struggles to good use. That my beloved friends, is what faith is really about. “Not my will but Thy will be done.”
But then, God knows I am a slow learner so perhaps it was inevitable that it would take that long!
So, without further delay here is the part of my story that I wrote just prior to discovering the true cause and recognizing the experience that marked the beginning of my difficulties so many years ago.
THE CRASH
It seemed to come on rather suddenly. At first a slight depression taking the form of a dark cloud in the distance merely threatening to block out the sun, but which rapidly seemed to overtake my spirit. Life with Christ had been good up until that point, but in an instant all seemed to change. Looking back I believe that may have marked the beginning of my disease. I was in my late 30’s which is a common time for the onset of Multiple Sclerosis whose early signs can be depression caused by the disruption of bio chemical and neural imbalances. Some time would pass before an MRI would suggest the possible diagnosis, however, and many more years still before it would be confirmed. All I knew at the time was that the joy I had been experiencing had suddenly turned to despair, that I once was found, but now felt lost. But wait, it is not supposed to be that way for the faithful believer, is it? Well, for those Christians who are blessed with good physical and mental health, the answer might be a resounding NO! In fact I had been one of those blessed Christians before my crash. When I think about how the Bible records poor Job’s friend as blaming his own sin for his loss and afflictions, however, I shudder. Faith does not prevent misfortune, nor is it supposed to.
Thus far, no one had told me that Jesus himself had said that in this life we would have trouble, that not all would be perfect just because we accept Him into our hearts. I had yet to read for myself His important words which were clearly recorded in the Bible. So to say that I was disappointed in my new found faith would be an understatement. Disappointment was just the beginning and it soon grew to full-blown anger with God ...anger which would ultimately lead me to follow my pastor’s suggestion to seek the counsel of a Christian therapist. Now, on the surface that would appear to be the right course of action however, the devil had other ideas in store for me and I was just foolish enough to go along with them.
You see, l had yet to learn that God gives us all the tools that we need to conquer every problem. The devil’s main goal is to see that we never pick up those tools or if we do pick them up we are quick to abandon them. His greatest victory comes when he gets us to use them to defeat our own selves. For example, a proper sense of guilt over a misdeed should lead us to repentance, however, If one does not receive the free gift of forgiveness, the devil is quick to turn this precious gift into a weapon, for a sense of guilt not quieted by the acceptance of forgiveness can quickly grow into all manner of ugly things, self-loathing is but one example. Unforgiveness toward oneself is still unforgiveness and as such is sin. I once wrote “the devil beats me up but I hand him the baseball bat.” Failure to forgive oneself is a prime example of this concept in action. I was to gain insight throughout the next two years just how efficiently the devil employs this principle. Perhaps I should rephrase that. I would suffer as a result of Satan‘s schemes but would not gain insight or wisdom until later…..much later.
I suppose I could look back at that time in my life as being the immunity which comes from suffering a communicable disease and surviving. I now have resistance to that particular spiritual affliction. Perhaps a better course of action would have been to receive a vaccine which of course helps to prevent the disease entirely. In spiritual terms this means spending more time in the Word, praying and worshiping God with song and music...not necessarily in that order but all equally important. If I were to spend time fretting over the what ifs, feeling shame or guilt over what happened, wondering if I could have done anything to prevent it, the devil would have won and I would have missed the opportunity to experience growth. I would also not be writing about it today. I want to shout this from the highest mountaintop…GOD CAN DO ANYTHING! That is assuming of course that I could still climb a mountain. But that is my point. Though I can no longer climb mountains, the Lord has given me something infinitely more valuable. I can write about it. To receive this gift, however it is critical is that I no longer waste time lamenting over unfortunate experiences and losses, rather I should appreciate the fact that God used it all to give me wisdom and insight because of it. The school of hard knocks, as my mom always called it.
In any case after a few visits with my therapist, it was suggested that I suffered from dissociative identity disorder. What I realize now all too well was that both the therapist and I were deceived. The power of suggestion can be very deadly, because once I accepted the diagnosis it began to take on a life of its own. I became my mental disorder and my entire life began to revolve around it. Rather than having my identity in Christ, my identity and self-worth became hijacked by my affliction. By accepting the label which the devil had whispered ever so cleverly, I took it into my mind. Once firmly rooted, it began an all out attack on my spirit. Or perhaps the reverse was true. I took the notion into my spirit which then broke down and left my mind vulnerable to attack. It reminds me of a virus which first disrupts then disables the immune system prior to launching its attack on the body. Either way the end result was the same.
As resentment and anger smoldered within me, the enemy found more ways to gain access to my mind. Like chinks in my armor, my refusal to look to God for protection was weakening my spirit and turning my own mind against me. The wife of my assistant pastor had suggested to me that I “put on the armor of God.” I thought “that could never work for me,” so I brushed it off, never bothering to pick up the Bible to read about how it actually works. Indeed putting on the helmet of Truth would have gone a long way toward protecting my mind. But I was just too angry and disappointed to even give it a try. I think it is common for new believers to to place their faith in faith itself rather than in the God who distributes that faith. Perhaps it is an easy mistake to make. We set ourselves up for disappointment when we come to faith because we want our lives on earth to be problem free, which in hindsight is what I did, and it is simply not the proper motive. We need Christ because we are sinners and need to accept the price He paid for that sin or we will spend eternity banished from God’s presence. That is the brass tacks of it. Choosing Christ is not like choosing a winning lottery ticket. What I can say, however, is that when we choose to follow Him for the right reasons we will never be disappointed because life with Him is blessed far beyond what the world or its trappings can possibly offer.
God promises that He will be with us through it all not that he will remove it all. When my faith is in my faith I am still depending upon myself rather than on God. When my faith is truly in God my circumstances can never dictate my joy and my peace. I believe it can take some time to reach such a high place or perhaps for some it comes instantly....for me it was not so. It was a long and arduous climb.
As time passed my mind became more scattered, or fragmented as it is referred to in the psychology handbook. (Please remember the word “fragmented” because it figures prominently into my eventual healing.) I began to drink a lot of beer, which brought its own set of luggage to my door. I had blackouts, not only when drinking but periods of lost time when I was not. The therapist identified this as “other personalities” but I have since discovered that this was just part of the deceptive web that the enemy had woven around my mind and spirit. Like a marionette dangling by strings, I was having the very thoughts of my mind manipulated by an enemy which was concealed in the darkness overhead. Likewise, the enemy had broken my mind up into disparate identities, which may have appeared to be other personalities. It was not until after the Lord rescued me that I realized it had been caused by demons. Now, while perhaps it is true that a Christian cannot be possessed, he most certainly can be harassed. The devil cannot read a person’s mind, but he can place ideas and falsehoods into it. Not so you say? Spend any amount of time watching TV and see just how easily a person can be influenced by commercials. And what of brain washing? It gets back to the power of suggestion, deadly when used for the wrong purposes.
Finally I sought the help of my primary care physician. That really should have been my first action, prior to counseling. But he did more harm than good, albeit innocently. He prescribed an anti depressant without ruling out a physical cause to my affliction That seems to be the knee jerk reaction by the medical profession in response to reports of depression. In any case, the meds caused me to be unable to enter REM sleep and after several days a psychotic break was looming on the horizon right along with those horrific black clouds. Little did I know that a storm of terrifying intensity was about to break loose.
Just prior to the final straw breaking, my mom came to visit me and was horrified by the fact that I could not stay awake yet when I fell asleep, I would awaken suddenly, crying because I could not stay asleep. A vicious cycle had begun, to say the least, one which the devil used to his advantage. Unbeknownst to me one of the side effects of this particular antidepressant is that it can prevent the patient from entering REM sleep. Now it should be noted that the brain, in order to stay healthy requires a daily or I should say nightly dose of REM sleep. Deprived of this necessary component my mind began to suffer hallucinations every time I tried to sleep. If my mom had realized what was about to happen to me she surely would have taken me to the hospital. But no one can be prepared when they do not understand the nature of the beast.
I will never forget the day of the last straw. I am not at liberty to share what was the trigger because another person is involved, but suffice it to say that it was no small trauma. So I sought comfort in a six pack of beer, some antihistamines and lots of junk food. The food may seem innocuous enough, but that much chocolate and sugar, coupled with beer causes an insulin spike which will inevitably crash and lead to extreme sleepiness. And of course the antihistamine did not help. Now mind you, I didn’t want to commit suicide nor did did I try, but it surely looked that way to those who found me.
Drunken stupor, antihistamine haze and low blood sugar finally brought the situation to a head. Unable to stay awake or perhaps even slipping into unconsciousness from time to time, I began to hallucinate. I’m not sure what I saw, fortunately. My memory of the events is foggy but I am sure it was straight from the pit of hell. I don’t even remember who called my sister and brother-in-law but I do know they were responsible for taking me to the emergency room. Had I successfully eluded them, I would most surely have ended up being transported handcuffed, by way of sheriff department vehicle.
Once at the hospital it became apparent that my now ex-husband thought I had tried to commit suicide. This fact became evident as he called people and told them so, in my presence I might add. I did not want to die, I had just tried to snuff out the pain with substances which I believed would help me to do so. I wonder how often people who are suffering from mental illness and/or substance abuse are falsely accused? After all no one can truly understand what is in a person‘s heart or the degree of their suffering...no one except Jesus that is, and at this point, He was the only one who realized that the event had been precipitated by the lack of REM sleep brought on by an anti depressant. Any brain will eventually become susceptible to psychosis if deprived of sleep.
I don’t really blame my ex for misinterpreting the situation, however the fact that he had gotten it so wrong and was telling people really made me angry. So I bolted ...left the room, ran down the hall and was subsequently tackled by security guards, how many I do not know, but there were at least two. When my brother in law tried to help, I proceeded to attempt to bite him. It’s funny the things you remember as they emerge from the midst of a drunken psychotic fog though I doubt that my brother-in-law would consider it funny.
A shot of antipsychotic and a bit of time spent in four point restraints on a stretcher was all that prevented me from being shipped by ambulance to the psychiatric ward of a hospital in another city. It may have been the injection that terminated the event, however I found out later that two of my best friends had been sitting in the waiting room praying for me the entire time. These two friends would be used of God to achieve the miraculous healing which would eventually take place.
DEANNA AND ELIZABETH
After the ER visit, some time passed, I am not certain how much, and though the antidepressant had been discontinued and there were no more psychotic episodes, depression continued to manipulate my thoughts and erode away the foundation of my life. I continued to see my therapist who still hadn’t considered the possibility that this could be the spiritual manifestation of a physical illness which had captured and was rapidly destroying my mind. I don’t blame her. She was deceived by the enemy just as Eve was deceived by the snake in the garden. That’s what it’s all about, lies and deception designed to destroy our lives even the lives of believers. Perhaps especially those of believers. The good news is that because Jesus defeated death the enemy can no longer have us. He must therefore settle for the theft and destruction of our peace. Fortunately just as Jesus conquered death, He was able to conquer my depression. The first step for me was to let go of anger and the false perception that God was punishing me.
Breaking free from the prison of my mind, indeed one of my own making, did not prove to be an easy or speedy task. It is always easier to step into a prison cell than to break out. Because of the Lord’s loving kindness, and I suspect because He had another purpose for my life, He began chipping away at the brick and mortar of my prison walls. Indeed, a spiritual jailbreak was in the making!
My church friends, having grown increasingly alarmed by my rapidly deteriorating state, stepped up their prayers on my behalf. Around this time my sister and I began to go skiing together once a week. To this day I still remember the tiny shaft of light which somehow began to shine through the crack in my prison wall whenever our ski lift chair approached the top of the mountain. The beauty of the sun as it sparkled and danced upon the snow, the smell of pines, the magnificent glory of the mountains in the distance. In such moments, the Lord whispered to me that there was far more to life than I had been able to fathom up until this point. Somehow, on our ski days, the depression was lifted, though only temporarily at first. Ever so slightly but steadily my state of mind began to improve as the devil lost his grip on it.
I decided at some point that I was getting more help from my sister on our ski trips than in therapy, so I quit. Now this is NOT to imply that therapy is a bad idea, however, just as with the antidepressants which can help some, therapy was doing me far more harm than good. To my therapist’s credit, she advised me to at least see someone else. That proved to be good advice, because at my first visit, he questioned her diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder, and because he was also a Christian, prayed with me for God’s wisdom and discernment. That was all it took to shake and completely loosen the devil’s grasp on me. The diagnosis which itself had become my identity because I had accepted it as such, now began to disintegrate when confronted by the Truth. There’s that “Helmet of Truth” again!! But let me not get ahead of myself. This action contributed to the healing…now just a bit more on the illness and how it had been allowed to get such a foothold.
THE POWER OF THE SPOKEN WORD
We humans are often guilty of underestimating its power. God spoke the world into existence, James records that the tongue is like a spark that can ignite a forest fire, the casting out of demons by naming and then speaking to them, are but a few examples cited by the Bible. Scripture also points out many instances where specific words were involved in achieving a purpose.
“Who do you SAY I am?” Jesus queried of Peter. Jesus didn’t ask who peter THOUGHT he was, He asked Peter to SAY who He was. In that respect, Jesus was asking for a declaration not an opinion. The same principle is in action when we ask Jesus into our hearts and then seal the action by confessing with our lips. That fact alone should be enough to convince us of the power of the spoken word. What is equally important to understand is that there is also power in the spoken opinion, and when that opinion is wrong because it lacks sufficient evidence in its foundational view, much damage can and most often is done. That is why gossip is compared to murder in the Bible.
Applying this principle to my therapy situation, because I was encouraged to journal and speak about my disorder (which was comprised of recognizing different personalities) I was giving merit and life to it through the power of speaking . Now I must hasten to add once again, that there is NOTHING inherently wrong with journaling one’s thoughts and speaking or even venting. The Bible says it is wise to seek counsel when necessary. However, in my case, my actions were just providing weapons the devil could use to fracture my mind even further. In other words, speaking the disorder over myself and identifying with it gave it power over me. I feel I must reiterate...this is not the case for everyone....but it certainly was in my case. It’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
BUT HOW?!?
God gifted me with a very creative mind, thus at an early age I began to write. As is so often the case, the devil takes a gift and tries to pervert and distort it into a curse. By writing about my “disorder” my mind was creating new personalities and the enemy was quick to step in and lend them credence. These were NOT personalities created during childhood due to trauma, rather they were the product of a creative mind, misled by the power of a spoken opinion, in response to a physically induced depression. I know. That’s a mouthful, let me rephrase...the enemy took my gift and was kicking my butt with it!
So…it only makes sense that the new therapist, with his questioning of the diagnosis and prayer for clarity, opened the door to believing and subsequently speaking a new possibility over myself. Being a doctor, I might add, he was also concerned over a possible physical cause to my depression. These two principles further wedged the crack in the wall allowing for more Truth to shine through. Then one Sunday in church it happened….
JOHN 6:12
My dear friend Elizabeth was following along as the pastor read some verses of scripture. As she looked down at the pages of the Bible, she noted that one particular verse had turned GOLD! Now you would need to know Elizabeth to realize that she’s very practical, a woman of God and science not easily misled by emotion nor is she one who is given to embellishment. She fully expected the pastor to preach on the golden verse however he stopped his reading just short of it. After church she asked him if he had left anything out of his sermon then proceeded to describe the golden verse. He said no, but suggested that she mention it to other people as it could have some importance to someone.
Now I can just imagine what Elizabeth was thinking at that moment “Right. I’m going to tell people that I saw a verse in my Bible turn gold.” That is at least what I would have been thinking! But Elizabeth being obedient and not wanting to miss something that God might have in mind did check with some people all who were interested, perhaps perplexed but not touched. That is until later that afternoon when we happened to be on the phone discussing another matter. As she relayed the story about the golden verse to me, it did somehow get my attention, not so much because it was an odd thing to have happen but there was something on a deeper level that stirred my soul and called it to attention.
“What was the verse?” I queried, curiosity peaked because I had also heard the sermon and scripture that morning.
Elizabeth replied “gather up the fragments that remain so that none may be lost”.
In an instant, the Holy Spirit touched my heart and I began to shake and weep uncontrollably! I can still hear Elizabeth’s voice on the other end of the line saying “OK, I can tell the Lord is doing something.” And she continued to pray while I sobbed. When I was finally able to compose myself, I realized that the fog which had enveloped my mind for two years had finally lifted, that the horrible grief and depression had been bound and cast out! I felt like a new person... as I am certain the demoniac in chains did when he encountered Jesus in the cemetery!
Remember the word I mentioned early on? FRAGMENTED. Now it’s interesting to note that not all Bible translations use the word fragment. Some say pieces. The Bible that Elizabeth had at home said FRAGMENTS. I can only speculate that in the very moment that word hit my ears, the fragments of my mind were gathered up and nothing was lost. I was healed!!!
Next came restoration as Elizabeth and Deanna prayed for me and with me in what Deanna called the “upper room” of her house. Indeed, it was her exercise room which towered above the rest of her home in a fourth story. Over the next several weeks, the Lord restored to me what the enemy had destroyed. Healing and restoration are two different parts of the same equation. Healing begins the process and restoration continues it. In my case restoration from this incident continues to this day.
Perhaps for all of us restoration is an ongoing process as we are all works in progress.
All of these words shared thus far are but an attempt to prove this one point. When I say “I know how you feel” to someone who is mentally ill, suicidal, post traumatically stressed or substance addicted, they are not just empty words. They are spoken in truth and rooted in the painful, rocky soil of experience. Therefore, I pray that I never fall into the temptation to judge others for their thoughts, words or deeds.
I sincerely believe that through this experience whereby the devil had tried to destroy me, along with my ongoing physical and cognitive issues, God has made me far more aware and empathetic than I might otherwise be. There is a vast difference between sympathy and empathy. Most anyone can offer condolences by just imagining what a tragedy or difficult circumstance might be like. Empathy, on the other hand is sharing emotions with another person and the connection that comes from a common experience. Sympathy may be freely given, but empathy is often only achieved after multiple hard fought skirmishes on the battlefield of experience. That is why support groups such as 10 step programs and grief sharing, etc. are so successful. It truly does “take one to know one.” I do believe God designed the human being that way because the realization that we need each other is the forerunner to being able to love one other. Fortunately, the devil fails to factor that in when he launches his attacks. For instance, back in the days of the early church, the more Christians were killed by the Romans, the faster Christianity spread. Likewise, attempts to wipe Jewish people from the face of the earth have repeatedly failed and they always will. I look forward to the day when Messiah returns and will join Jews and Christians together as they worship together in Jerusalem and all the earth. Until that time, however, we must muddle through and that involves helping and supporting one another daily. For my part, I hope that my story will contribute at least in some small way.
THE BEGINNING OF UNDERSTANDING
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.” Hosea 4:6
While it is true that Hosea was speaking to the children of Israel in this passage, I believe the same words apply to us today. Whenever we abandon the knowledge revealed in God’s Word and blindly follow men and what THEY tell us God’s Word says, we have in effect, rejected God’s knowledge. The Holy Spirit was given to us not only as Comforter, but as Teacher. Our priority should always be to read the Bible for ourselves with prayer for guidance from the Author of the Book. Only then will we gain the ability to properly discern whether what people tell us is true to the Word or not. If not with our minds, then at the very least our spirits will alert us to potential danger. What our spirits understand is not unlike our instincts, sensing danger and deciding to run even though our minds are not certain why. Many people now report having sensed spiritual danger during such breakouts of manifestations, but did not heed the warning.
This is not to imply that we do not need pastors and teachers. We certainly do, but the vast majority of professing Christians according to many polls, do not read the Bible even occasionally let alone daily as we all should. This leaves them wide open to attack by wolves in sheep’s clothing. Widespread biblical illiteracy is what opened the door to a very dangerous movement, one which was by no means new, but of which the Toronto event was and still is an integral part. Like a dirty bomb going off in a densely populated city, the fallout spread wide and far, carried by the winds of people who truly believed they were seeing the works of the Holy Spirit. Few people saw it for what it was at the time, for most were like me, unwilling to judge, fearful of blaspheming the true Holy Spirit, and perhaps just plain biblically illiterate enough to lack proper discernment. The cries of those who did have serious concerns, fell largely on deaf ears.
The Toronto phenomena was part of what is now known as the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR for short). I haven’t the time to get into the details of it here, but a 5 minute internet search will provide more than enough information for you to understand why I can attribute what happened to me to be a direct result of NAR teachings. Apparently the outpouring in Toronto began in 1994. I would become a victim of it approximately 2 years later, would suffer with spiritual/mental difficulties for 2 years before God sovereignly delivered me. It would be another 20 years before I was to finally understand exactly how and why it happened.
My understanding or the beginning of the revelation if you will, started with a simple question from my niece, to whom I owe a debt of gratitude. One day just a few weeks ago, she approached me with a curious question.
“Aunnie, have you ever heard about grave-sucking?” To which I quickly responded, as most would do, “WHAT?!?”
“Grave sucking. It is something I heard they do at Bethel Church.” She clarified.
Well I had NOT heard of it but at that moment I decided to find out what it was. That was the day that I truly believe the Lord began to explain some very important things to me with regard to my past. Or at the very least it was the day I finally heard Him or took the time to listen. In any case, my research began by looking up grave-sucking. Apparently some students attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, (the very name makes me suspect) were engaging in the practice of laying on the graves of deceased people who had been considered to be anointed by the Holy Spirit. The supposed result was that the anointing would flow from the grave to the new recipient. WHAT?!?
A well known fiction writer comes to mind, who wrote a book about a beloved cat who had been killed and subsequently resurrected by some sort of spell. What came out of the grave was NOT the same cat that went in. I must admit that years ago when I saw the movie I found it entertaining, but also considered it to be fiction. I have come to rethink that position. The author was right about one thing. Don’t mess with the dead! There is a reason why necromancy is strictly forbidden by God and I am not sure how sucking up the “anointing” of the deceased could possibly be considered any different.
“There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch.
Or a charmer, or a consulter with familiar spirits, or a wizard, or a necromancer.”Deuteronomy 18:10-11
Perhaps the practice is not commonplace at Bethel, however, it surely has not been denounced, but rather downplayed. I mention Bethel Church only because after a bit of research I discovered that they actually came out of the Toronto event. You can easily research their false doctrine on the internet. So my intent is not to call out any church or false teacher, but rather to demonstrate how the teachings of NAR-infiltrated churches do not line up with God’s Word in any way, shape or form. They do, however, have enough truth mixed in as to sound genuine. I have no doubt that the majority of these churches may have started out grounded in biblical teaching, but due to the influence of the out pouring of the false spirit in Toronto, leaders have not only been deceived, but are shepherding their flocks right over the cliff….not unlike lemmings.
Such an odd thought about lemmings, that I did a bit of research and discovered that unlike the myth that they commit suicide by jumping off cliffs, this is actually migratory behavior in response to overpopulation which had led to sparse resources. They are simply seeking greener pastures so to speak and as with all migratory animals, will follow the creatures who are before them. When the forerunners reach the edge of the precipice, they jump into the ocean, likely believing it to be just another lake. Since the first to take the plunge seem to survive the fall, those following also take the jump. Hours later, thousands of tiny lifeless bodies eventually wash ashore. In the end, only a few animals are left alive because they decided not to follow…enough animals to repopulate the area.
In my mind there seems to be a spiritual parallel here. People, due to brokenness, lack of resources, bad circumstances, etc. are hungry for a better life. This quest for improvement is often mistaken for a quest for God, but in actuality it is a desire to satisfy the needs of the flesh. True hunger for God can only be satisfied by feeding on the Word of God.
Jesus answered them and said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.” John 6:26-27
Jesus addresses the issue of those who were seeking Him because of the bread He gave them, and later on stated very clearly that HE was the bread of life and that those who came to Him would never hunger or thirst. This makes it abundantly evident that spiritual food is what is most important not material things or food that satisfies the flesh.
John 1:1 states that “In the beginning was the word and the word WAS God and the word was with God. Jesus IS the Word, thus every time we open our bibles we are being fed by that which truly counts. When I reflect back over how I was damaged by the spirit of Toronto, I am convinced that if I had been well fed by studying of the Word, or if at the very least had examined what I was being told under the light of Scripture, I would not have so easily been deceived. It is important to note that back in the days of the Puritans, pilgrims and even as recent as the pioneer days, people regularly read their bibles. Perhaps the advent of TV and subsequently the internet caused the Bible to be set upon household shelves to gather dust, smoothy paving the way for such false doctrines to gain traction. Additionally, the moral decline that began with TV and internet quickly proliferated society, blocking out God’s warning against sin, using seductively numbing tactics. It is just my opinion, but I do believe that is how the same old lying doctrines of demons finally picked up speed and were able to cause global consequences. Consciences numbed to sin, desires for the good life and Bibles gathering dust, set the stage for the beginning of the “great falling away” that the Bible said would happen. So here we are.
What began for me as a simple question about grave-sucking quickly loosed the scales from my eyes as the revelation continued. My research brought me to information which is NOT largely known by the church. How such details escaped me for so many years is a mystery, but I am in good company. My current pastor had not heard of it either. Apparently that is the case for the majority of church leaders.
For those who are not familiar, there are two other false doctrines which figure prominently into the sticky web of deception the modern church finds herself entangled in. Word of Faith (name it and claim it) and Prosperity Gospel (God wants you prosperous and poverty is a sign of weak faith). Together with the New Apostolic Reformation movement, these are like three legs of a wickedly unstable stool. I say wickedly unstable because often when people who subscribe to this kind of teaching discover that promised “prophecies” do not come to pass, a person dies or remains sick even with the laying on of hands, or fervent unrelenting words of “faith” fail to produce the expected results, they get discouraged and turn away from God. This is so tragic, because bitterness toward God can actually establish a barrier that will prevent a person form ever having a true relationship with Him. I suppose that disappointment born of deception might actually be a harder nut to crack than the lost who have never known Jesus. This, of course, is the devils plan, the web of lies spun in order to prevent the church from doing her real job which is to preach the Gospel. The TRUE Gospel, the one which includes repentance of sin. The same Gospel that includes the words of Jesus when He said:
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world”. John 16:33
Jesus did not say we would have prosperity, health, a good life. He said we would have TRIBULATION, thus Jesus refutes both the prosperity and word of faith lies in one sentence, something that its followers would realize if they were to read their Bibles.
I find it interesting that when the devil tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness, he first offered stones be turned to bread (prosperity) then offered that Jesus’ foot would not be dashed against the rocks (health), and when that failed, he offered Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor (power). It seems apparent that this is not unlike the temptations that the devil has used to lure the unsuspecting into his snare today. Health, wealth and power. The new “apostles and prophets” of NAR are all about power and the entire movement believes that it is spiritually superior to those of us who stick like glue to the teachings of the Bible. Does anyone else see the parallel?
NAR teaches that there are “new” apostles and prophets who are receiving “fresh” revelation from God and that they are solely responsible for leadership of the church. These false teachers are nothing more than idols. Satan wanted to be worshipped. He made clear his motives when he told Jesus in the wilderness that he would give him all the kingdoms and splendor if Jesus would only bow down and worship him. Clearly, Satan did not know with Whom he spoke. Jesus, God incarnate, already HAD it all. As I re-read the temptation of Jesus in Matthew 4:1-11, I suddenly think about the fact that false teachers, prophets and their followers do not know who Jesus really is either. Perhaps it is more accurate to state that the Jesus they worship is not the One True God, but the god of this world. Satan has indeed succeeded in getting people to bow down to himself. The great falling away and a lukewarm church that seems destined to grow colder by the minute. Like a corpse whose life has already left but the body takes several hours to reach room temperature. Death, such a horrible thing and where false doctrines will inevitably lead unless the True Holy Spirit intervenes and rescues the deceived.
The fact is that from the biblical perspective, a true apostle needed to have witnessed Jesus personally and/or His resurrection. No one today qualifies for that office. Disciples, perhaps, but that refers to students, which we all are, but only if we study the Word….all of it, not just out of context verses verses that seem to support a false teaching. The Bible does speak of elders, however, seasoned men who were appointed to help keep watch over the flock. These are rather like those big white dogs in mountainous areas who blend in with the sheep and attack any wolf foolish enough to try to infiltrate the flock. Sadly it would seem that the modern day church lacks such guardians.
Notice the the strict qualifications for a would-be elder as spelled out by Paul in the following verses.
“For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion. For the [d]overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict.” Titus 1:5-11
It would seem to me that NAR leadership has failed miserably in this regard because there have been MANY scandals among their so called apostles and prophets. I will resist the temptation to get into specifics, but reports can easily be found via a quick internet search. So I say to you that if qualifications for eldership are so strict, how on earth can these apostles get away with committing adultery? It is also important to consider the fact that none of the biblical prophets and apostles will never lose their titles. They lived and died by and with their faith, called of God and empowered by the Holy Spirit. Most came to a tragic ends after having lived lives free of scandal, their names indelibly etched in history anti the end of time. They will never have to step down. Not a single NAR leader will ever be able to make that claim.
It occurs to me that NAR is not totally to blame. The church has lowered its standards regarding who is allowed to guard and teach. You know what I mean. Women leaving their gifted roles as teachers and placed in authority, divorced men (or worse), folks with rebellious kids, substance abuse issues….I could go on but I will refrain because I trust I have made my point. The church as a whole has strayed from protocol as laid out by God in Scripture. Perhaps we should not be surprised by the mess we are in today. Perhaps we all hold some responsibility for what has happened.
